The title is exactly what I wrote once, many years ago, upon a mirror in my home. It stayed there a while. I’d forgotten that I’d done so and it didn’t matter much to me anyway, such a concrete fact of life I saw that statement.
Embarrassment,
reflection, only came after my mother had apparently found the words. I hadn’t meant for anyone to. She’d cleaned the large glass off and replaced it with this simple note in marker. Nothing more complex or fanciful needed to be said.
Perhaps this really isn’t art. To me, it is.
These emotions are not unique, though not understood by those who’ve never felt such extended and deep self-loathing; who’ve never believed that God was punishing them for anything. This is what I learned, what I say to those who have the misfortune of understanding:
You do not wish to die.
You wish to live.
It is in the absence of
life, which you feel so much pain.
God was not punishing me. I was doing that. God was in the moment that someone who loved me saw a bleeding wound and placed a band-aid upon it, rather than another scratch.
I struggle even still.
Maybe one day.
Maybe one day.
I share this in part because of a recent illustration by =MaRaMa-TSG which I colored, CatCF: R-E-F-L-E-C-T, colored. I felt if that artist could be brave enough to expose that, then I could this. I have only ever shared this story with one other person and now they can see the tangible form.
That is not all I have to say on the topic however, just...all I have to say at this time.GALLERIES
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`ChewedKandi has certainly gone out of her way to keep the vector community on the right path. Always making sure that her talents are infinitely scalable, Sharon has put her bezier curves to excellent use, and firmly anchored herself as an inspirational leader. We're absolutely delighted to bestow the Deviousness Award for June 2013 to `ChewedKandi. Congratulations, Sharon! Read More
Sta.sh
Something like this happened to me too.
i still struggle.
I may be a total stranger, but if you ever want someone to talk to, I'll listen.
That's beautiful and truly generous. I'm in a much better place these days, but may I wish you to take that exact same energy and invest it in yourself (an extra piece if you haven't lately).
P.S. I still need to feature the person who featured this. I've been sort of frazzled lately and too neglectful of Deviant Art. I shall aim to rectify that shortly.
Thanx so much
Powerful writing, your comments up there.